Zen yugioh
by Jerex
Summary: read and review it before dismissing or condeming this fic, a series of Yugioh short strories with a couple of GX fics thrown in


Zen Yugioh

Zen Yugioh

Victory is no cause for rejoicing Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching

Joey: Try telling that to Kaiba

Kaiba: Grrr

Yugi: And the other me

Yami: I'm the Duel King! Oh yeah! I'm the champ, I'm the champ and I can't be beaten at card games!

Work yourselves, before you work others Confucius

Marik: Hey Odeon! Go steal the power of the Pharaoh for me will you?

Odeon: At once Master Marik (bows)

Yami Bakura: (Lounging around on the sofa at his host's house) oi! Land

Lord, work faster! If I spot any blood left in sight I'll give you another bloody beating, got that?

Bakura: (Scrubbing franticly at the blood stains on the walls and floor) ye-yes Ma-master

If the Teacher is not respected, and the Student not cared for, confusion will arise however clever one is Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching

Crowler: Why's everyone looking at me?

Chazz: And me? It's not funny you losers!

Alexis: Well It's just for this saying we needed a teacher no one respects and a student no one cares for

Crowler/Chazz: What!

Jaden: Don't worry about it Chazz, I care for you (pats him on the arm)

(A Mary Sue Fan girl with a camera appears and takes a snapshot of the moment)

Mary: Damn straight! Definite Yaoi overtones there, you two are so made for each other

(Chazz smashes her repeatedly in the face with his Duel Disk until she drops)

Chazz: What is wrong with you people! He cares about everyone even the villains, and hasn't my constant crushing on Alexis told you freaks that I ain't gay!

Jaden: No one can fault you there Chazz (he states cheerfully)

(Everyone except the bleeding to death unconscious Mary Sue look's at him expectantly and sure enough)

Jaden: You're never happy

(Everyone Anime sweat drops, Chazz holds the bloody Duel Disk up threateningly)

To lend is to buy a quarrel Indian Proverb

Ishizu: And if you set up the Battle City tournament, it will attract the Rare Hunters and the other two Egyptian God cards, here (hands over a card) I will give you Obelisk the Tormentor but I will expect it back afterwards

(Kaiba takes the card)

Kaiba: You really expect me, the most powerful Duelist in the world to return a card this powerful to you?

Ishizu: (Without breaking eye contact and remaining calm and impassive) I do 'Once I have beaten you in a Duel in the Battle City finals as I have foreseen' (she thinks)

Kaiba (Grunts) 'this dames a fool' (he thinks)

Set yourself as the Standard Chinese Proverb

Boring Professor from Season 3 plays Scar knight: You see Jaden it's all your fault, if you'd attend classes, and stay awake during lessons, other students wouldn't follow your example thinking they can slack of and still become great duelists but other students simply don't have your natural ability and skills (boring monotone voice)

Jaden: Zzzzzzzzzz…Huh oh uh what! Uh sorry about that must have dozed of for a minute

BPS3pSK: Why do I bother (boring monotone voice)

Jaden: It's not my fault your voice sends me to sleep

He who is attached to things will suffer much Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching

Kaiba: (Wails) someone's kidnapped Mokuba again!

Yugi: (Crying) My Millennium Puzzle is gone! Oh and Grampa's gone missing again

Tea: You're not worried about that?

Joey: C'mon Tea, it's the third time this week someone's grabbed his Grampa

Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one getting burned Buddha

Marik: Okay, that was my bad I get that, can we change the record already?

Yami Bakura: Your other self was created to gain vengeance upon the Pharaoh but instead tried to kill you, yep if you had only been born a Buddhist instead of the old ways, you'd have known better

Marik: oh FXXK of!

Do not judge any man until you have walked two moons in his shoes Indian Proverb

All together: God no! Not another body swap fic!

Kaiba in Joey's body: It's not fair now I look and sound like a common street thug

Joey in Kaiba's body: You think you've got problems, when did you last eat? I'm as skinny as a rail, what are you Kaiba anorexic or something?

Yugi in Bakura's body: Only girls suffer from that Joey

Bakura in Yugi's body: Aren't you bothered by this Yugi? I mean great Scott man! We've swapped bodies, I have your Yami and you have mine!

Yugi in Bakura's body: Your Yami is really creepy Bakura, but look at me, now I know what it's like to be tall!

(Anime sweat drops all round)

Tea in Mai's body: Urgh at least your not stuck in this body (she tries to cover her self up, but Mai's assets are hard to hide) I look like a slut, and this top button won't button

(Every male drools slightly at the prospect)

Mai in Tea's body: Hey! I'm the one that looked out with the flat chested factory model reject hun

Tea in Mai's body: Bitch!

Mai in Tea's body: Tramp!

Mokuba in Rebecca's body: (has fainted)

Rebecca in Mokuba's body: How can me and my sweet Yugi be together like this?

(Tea in Mai's body glares angrily at her and folds her arms unwitting making her bust bulge out even more, everyone else looks faintly disturbed especially Bakura in Yugi's body and even more so Yugi in Bakura's)

Marik in Ishizu's body: If this wasn't my sister's body, there could be some possibilities here

Ishizu in Marik's body: Try anything and after we return to normal I will have you castrated!

It is foolish to deal with fools Japanese Proverb

Kaiba: Now this is one saying I can agree with

Joey: Really? Then here's another "Who's more foolish, the Fool or the Fool who follows him?"

Kaiba: Star Wars?

Joey: Yep

Yugi: You did help us out during the Doom Saga Kaiba

Kaiba: Why do I bother?

When the Character of a man is not clear to you look at his friend's Japanese proverb

Jaden Yuki

A geeky blue haired runt, a lazy kola and grilled cheese obsessed slob, a muscle bound soldier wannabe, a hot busty blond babe, a surfing rock star, a cold calculating Kaiba clone, A freaky little girl, Sartorius post world destruction mode, a tall dark silent soldier, that geek Geeko, an Australian croc guy and a clone of himself, need I say anymore? (Narrated by Chazz)

Yugi Motou

An imaginary friend called Yami, that Mutt Wheeler, the friendship slut, the guy with no personality, the British boy, the demented American girl, an old perverted man (blood relation), a whore Queen, a deranged Egyptian and his pathetic sister and tattoo faced brother, this speaks volumes about Yugi's character I'm sure (narrated by Kaiba)

Giving your son a skill is better than giving him a thousand pieces of gold Chinese proverb

Tea: But why the skill of winning card games? That's what I want to know

Yugi: 'Cos that's what's really important Tea

Joey: personally I'd rather have the gold

Tristan: who wasn't expecting that?

If you stand in the same place for long enough, the world will come to you

(Bakura bursts into tears)

Yami Bakura: There, there Hikari (pats him on the back) maybe you didn't wait long enough (Bakura cries even louder)

Better than the Young man's knowledge is the old man's experience Tibetan Proverb

Kaiba: Wait a minute Yugi beat me using his Grandpa's deck, the very same deck he was using when I crushed him in a Duel

Yugi: (Anime sweat drops)

Joey: He does have a point, Ow! (Tea elbows him in the side)

One person's plans are mediocre, but those made by two are much better Chinese Proverb

Marik: Grr, how could Yugi beat my Exodia playing, Magical clown and Mime Rare hunters? I have to defeat him! I know I'll send another weak witted Mind slave to Duel him that should do the job

Yami Bakura: Hey you! You're the evil force I've been sensing, want to team up to defeat Yugi and his pathetic friends?

Marik: I like the way you think, what did you have in mind?

Yami Bakura: By cutting on my host's pathetic flesh we could get you close to them, you can be seen as a helpful duelist trying to save Bakura's life, and I get to appear absolutely evil in front of the viewers

Marik: this is bound to start rumors of you physically abusing your host you know

Yami Bakura: I'm fine with that, so do we have a deal?

Marik: Sounds like a plan British Boy, lets do it (pulls out a knife and sticks it into Yami Bakura's arm)

Yami Bakura: Wait until I return to the Ring! (Gives Bakura control, he clutches his arm and collapses)

Bakura: (Weakly) help me

Marik: (As Yugi's gang passes by) can someone help me; this albino kid with a peculiar accent appears to have been stabbed in the arm with a knife and needs immediate medical attention!

Tea: Oh no Bakura! Is he alright?

Marik: (thoughts) fools! With the spirit of the Millennium Ring's help I can not fail Bwa ha ha ha!

When you are in the water you swim Indian Proverb

Joey: Try doing that when you're tied to an anchor

Chazz: For the dozenth time, I'm sorry I sunk the yacht

The one who wins the war becomes King and the loser is relegated to the history books as the bandit Chinese Proverb

Yami struts about smirking, covered in gold and wearing the Millennium Puzzle and a jewel encrusted crown. Yami Bakura wearing thief's rags with only the Millennium Ring around his neck of value launches himself at him with a murderous roar, Bakura (the host) and Marik (light side) just barely hold him back and stop him from killing the Pharaoh with his bare hands, Yugi anime sweat drops, and shakes his head, disapproving his Yami's taunting of Bakura's Yami.

(The Yami's can split into physical bodies of their own in this one, with a metaphysical version of their items; they are still dependant on their hosts)

Before receiving their must be giving Lao Tsu's Tao Te Ching

Kaiba: Yugi! Give me your God cards and you'll receive ten million dollars

Don't chase a dog into a blind alley Chinese Proverb

Kaiba: Guess the rare Hunters never heard of this one 9folds arms smugly and turns his back on Joey who was now making repeated attempts to get passed Yugi, Tristan and Devlin in order to reach Kaiba, they only just held him back

Similarities call friends Japanese proverb

Chazz: I'm telling you there like long lost twins or some botched up cloning experiment or something!

Jaden/Jessie: Why'd you think that?

Syrus: I must admit that is more than a little freaky

When someone comes to pay compliments and be specifically helpful without cause, he is either a crook or a thief 

Marik: Hey Yugi looking sharp today, why the spirit of the Pharaoh just resonates within you today

Bakura: Yugi! After School, why don't you come round to my place, we could do our homework together and maybe play another game of monster world, what do you say?

Yugi: Uh thanks guys, I…

Yami to Yugi only: Don't listen to something there up to something I sense a darkness about them; they must want to steal our puzzle

Instead of living like a Rabbit for one hundred years, live like a tiger for a day Uighur proverb

Yami Bakura: Hear that host, live it up a little, bunk of school for once, play some pranks on people, join me and Marik for one of our raids tonight

Bakura: I don't know…I…Don't really…

Yami Bakura: For FXXK's sake! (Bakura cowers) Stop been a rabbit, be a tiger, have some fun, no not fun, your fun is boring, have some action, adventure, find out a little danger, C'mon!

Bakura: But…I…

Yami Bakura: Oh I give up

Small things are the most lovable Okinawan Proverb

Rebecca: Yugi I love you (tries to smooch him)

Yugi: (Tries to get away) go away, I'm not interested, and I don't suppose you'd believe I'm gay? Didn't think so (runs around a corner and bumps into Tea who grabs him and pulls him into an alley, as Rebecca runs past) thanks for the save Te…(Tea kneels down and pulls him into a bone crushing hug kissing him full on the lips, Yugi's last thoughts were 'not again')

Don't do any Good to the bad; don't expect any good from the bad Uighur Proverb

Bakura: Yami would you like some rice balls? (Offers a tray of Rice balls) I made enough for both of us

Yami Bakura: (Snatches whole tray) F of landlord I'm busy (throws a rice ball into his mouth as he continues lounging on the sofa) or are you asking for another beating today? (Bakura shakes his head fearfully and walks away)

Do Good things Quickly Okinawan Proverb

Bakura was wandering along on his way home his head stuck in a book, completely oblivious to the sneering bullies coming up behind him even as they cut along in front of him blocking his path, the bullies failed to notice the Millennium Ring under his shirt glow briefly as the spirit within swapped places with his host.

"Hey White locks" one of them jeered "what you reading?" he reached out to take the book but Yami Bakura kept it out of reach "I don't think so" he growled surprising the bullies who smirked, the little runt thought he could put up a fight huh? Yami Bakura smirks as he enters the fray, making sure not one single hit reached him, he also kept Bakura's book safe at all times, it didn't take long until all the bullies were either dead, dying or wished they were.

Bakura unaware of the Drama that had unfolded behind him continued on his way, non the wiser he was reading his engrossing book from where he left of, unlocking the door to his apartment one handedly he enters, closing and locking up behind him.


End file.
